Dear Eli,
Today is February 29th, 2012. Leap Day. It only comes once every four years, so I decided this would be the day for you next letter. Honestly, I wanted to write this to you on Valentine's Day, but I knew I would cry, and indeed, I already am. February makes me think about love, and there is no one in the world that I love like I love you. Of course I love your daddy, but that is a different type of love. I love him in a romantic way, like a wife. However, I love you like a mommy, and that, my son, is indescribable.
Many years from today, you will fall in-love. And I'm sure she will be beautiful and smart, and you will think, "This is the first woman to ever love me!"
But you would be wrong.
Remember, Eli, that the first woman that ever loved you was me.
I loved you before I ever met you. I loved you from the moment I knew you would be with us. I loved you while standing there in ratty University of Georgia t-shirt, holding a test with pink lines. I loved you when I first felt you move. I loved you when you were making me throw-up all day, every day. I loved you I first saw your tiny feet on a black and white sonogram picture. I loved you when I heard your first cry, and I cried, too. I loved you when I kissed your tiny face, counted your fingers and toes, and thanked God he brought you to us. I loved you when you woke up every two hours and I thought I'd never sleep again. I loved you when you cut your first teeth and I REALLY thought I'd never sleep again. I loved you when started to crawl and I realized you were growing up. I loved you when you said mama for the first time, and I made you cry on purpose to make you say it again. I loved you when pulled the dogs tail and scared her, causing her to pee all over me. I loved you when I was working on graduate school assignments, and you unplugged the computer. I love you when pulled over the trashcan, spilling its contents in to the kitchen floor. I love when you get a boo boo, my kiss can make it better. I love you when I put toys in your play pen, and you throw them all out... one by one. I love you when you look at those toys, strewn across the floor and say "uh oh!" I love you when I pick you up in the afternoon, and you kick your legs because you're happy to see me. I love that you play with my hair when you’re tired. I love you lay your head on my shoulder and fall asleep at night. I love you when I pray for your life, and ask God to help me make you into a man He can be proud of. I love that you just came down the stairs with your daddy (he was giving you a bath), and when you saw me, you smiled the biggest smile. I love that I just put you down so I could finish your letter, and you’re crying, reaching out for me. And most of all, I love that you need and want me in your life.
And I know there will come a time when you won’t need or want me as much as you do now. And that breaks my heart. But it also makes me happy because I know that will mean that you are growing and maturing in the way a young man should. No matter how old you get, though, I will always see as my little boy, snuggling your momma while wearing your footie pajamas. You are my son, and I love you to moon and back, Eli James.
Love,
Mommy
